Stress Relief

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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's how i feel right now. Talk about a Super stressful morning. I'm just calming down now
and I'm not sure if I'll be alright till tonight. One thing I do know is ..i haven't felt like working out this week...that changed this morning. Yeah I've got a little bit to let out.

Let me explain...I've been teaching my sister how to drive my car. "But Kotoko, you ask, Isn't your sister of age, and old enough to drive?" Yeah Yeah she is..only this car is a manual. And she needs to know how to drive it to get to work. See she recently graduated from college with her Masters degree and had to leave NYC because the job she had ended. so now she's back here looking to go back but needing to temp a little to make a little money. Anyway so she had gotten this gig and had been using my mom's car and dropping her off at work but there are limitations and inconveniences associated with this so we endeavoured to teach her how to drive my old ass Honda.

We were supposed to start 2 weeks ago but it didn't happen. we went out for half an hour and then our local was soon overpopulated and I wasn't lookin to get into an accident So we postponed....just a little longer than expected. But this weekend we went out again and she did quite well. Took to it much better than I did when I started driving a stick shift. but we really didn't go on highway ad she barely got out of third. but it was still good. But I had confidence in her..even if she didn't have sooo much confidence in herself. So when she asked me if I thought she could drive to on the highway I was like yeah sure. Only I didn't really think this through well. Chhicago is the 3rd worst place to drive in the country when it comes to traffic. In the mornings we do a pretty good imitation of Washington DC and if you know how that is then you know it's not pretty. We were once stuck in traffic in DC on a family trip and moved less than a mile in 2 hours.. Now it isn't THAT bad but still not great. A trrip that normally takes 40 mins will take 2 hours in the morning. All stop and go.

Anyway we had decided that she would drive me to work and then drive on ahead to where she needed to be so she could get practice. Again I said yes before i realized how hectic it was going to be. Hmmmm warms my heart just to think about it. And it also meant leaving quite early in the morning. To top it off I had a meeting with my boss at 9 that I didn't want to be late for. (bad english right there I know but who cares) So we started out and she was doing really good..only a few miscues here and there..we even made it on to the highway without much incident but then traffic started slowing down big time..and I kept having to remind her to shift. Now here comes my disclaimer: Remember this is not me slaggin off my sister, she is a beginner and sometimes students give teachers heart attacks just because. So i'm getting tense continually reminding her and afraid that I'm gonna be late. Meeting at 9 we left at 7:30, traffic really slow..and oh we just got passed by the tow truck meaning there was an accident. Lovely.

Yet she's driving ok and i'm beginning to relax a little and then it happened. she stalled. Now she had stalled before during teh trip but usually very quick restarts so no big deal only this time..she had fallen and couldn't get up. 12 times she restarted the car and tried to move; 12 times did the car sputter and die. She was sure it was the car I was sure it wasn't. Meanwhile traffic had backed up in our lane..was slear for like 50 meters in front of us, cars were driving around and honking and she was freaked and I was stressin. We needed to switch but of course i couldn't get out of the car so she jumped into the back seat I jumped across and started the car and proceeded to drive to work. All the while I'm telling her what i'm doing so she can learn some more. Cause I'm thinking she has to drive to work..a whole half hour north of my office.
But I look back in the mirror and all signs are a no go. She's tired, frustrated and doesn't want to drive this car anymore today. I tell her we can park the ar near work and she can take the train..she says she'll try and make a go of it if not then she will call me and I'll park the car..right not it's 8:50 I've jsut hit the office and I'm running to make the meeting. I get to my office and nothing from my boss. But I've gotten 2 messages from my sister..she can't drive..I should meet her she dropped me off and park. So i run out park the car, pay the meter, lucky for me i have quarters..but parking is only 2 hr parking..which is about how long the meeting is supposed to last. I show her where my office is and send her to the library.

Part 1 finished but right now I'm a mini-wreck. I don't know if my boss has called or has come down. But no..nothing. It's 9:25 and she hasn't come down yet so i breathe a little and feel better. The meeting started about 9:45 and it goes relatively well though I was still a little nervous. I am my bosses only employee and i don't see her often so I never know what to expect cause i don't alwasy get feedback that i want or need. So you feel stupid for the little mistakes cause you had a lot of time but when you don't know when things will happen sometimes it takes the edge off. Anyway there was more that happened but that was the main thing and now I'm tired and still not relaxed.

I started this entry at 11:58 but had to stop and go and drive my sister to work..the people were supposed to callher and didn't so she called them and I wanted to move the car to a better place where i didn't have to pay so I dropped her off and parked near the "El" station. It's now 2:10 and I'm really looking forward to the gym tonite.

If none of this makes sense welll that's it..i don't care..i've got work to do and i don't want to write anymore. We all can't write as well as maybride.

k

ps: go to Applegeeks today..Hawk did it again...just beautiful

a little late but here goes

So tuesday morning ae always a waste of time for me. I get caught up in a chatroom connected to an internet radio station and get completely distracted. Today wasn't too different. It doesn't always happen but it does happen.

Last night I was gonna post an addition to yesterday's post but it didn't happen. I ike the Yankees last night got a bit of a stomach punch connected to yesterdays post. so i was not in the best mood yesterday. Couldn't even work out well. Hopefully today will yield better cause I have some goals that need to be met by the end of the month. I can't ever be fat..but i had been letting myself go a little and had developed a bit of a spare tricycle tire around my mid-drift so i'm working hard to eliminate it and fix up look sharp.

I must admit my mind is a little gone today. I want to write but it's not coming easily. Lately I have been really thinking about myself as a designer and what i want to acheive and how to get there. I'm aslo thinking that maybe God gave me this extra year so i can properly prepare for the next year. I've been making a list of things I need to do and learn so I can get myself ready for school. When I get to london i don't wnat to be lacking. I just want to be able to produce things..so it doesn't slow down what I can learn.

I'm also realizing that when i was younger i was good. I was real good...i had no confidence in my skills and ability you know but looking back at how fast i could learn and how well i could get things on paper..i must have had my head up my a** not to see where i belonged. Yet i know that the path i have taken still helps me and actually adds an extra edge. So if you pray, pray for me and that i be properly directed and keep my focus in the right place.

right now i'm chatting to my brother in ghana simultaneously and we are discussing a few thingss, my father, and how i never come to ghana like i say. It's not a cheap ticket and i've been limited at times but hopefully soon. Anyway our main topic of discussion has been our father.

My father has Parkinson's disease. It's very mild and he's not too slowed down..but still has problems with rigidity and takes a lot of medicine. We think he should move back to ghana because life for him would be better. But he's a bit stubborn and has a few excuses which we are not sure are valid. He's still employable we feel and has a lot of knowledge and experience that would help in a developing country like Ghana. Plus he would be well taken care of. House and Car and the like..plus the weather is much better. The consolation at the moment is that we've gotten him thinking.

That's gonna be it for me now. My mind isn't here and I haven't put out anything quality.

Carrots,

Kotoko

To Rant or not to Rant

So I was very prepared to rant today. Something happened to me this weekend that made me question humanity. And it definately presented a mini-setback in the whole process. It's just shocking to me sometimes how no matter how honest and forthright you are to ppl they still look to take avantage of that. I mean i understand that we are all ppl and weaknesses abound but DAMN!!! sometimes it's just incredible. Anyway I've calmed down a little and I'm attempting to rectify the matter in my favor but if it doesn't work out well atleast I tried. Plus you never know why things happen so i'm more reconciled that I'm doing what I can and hopefully all turns out well in the end.

So here I was feeling a little sorry for myself right and a little angry when one of my good friends pointed out this http://www.worldonfire.ca/ video that was on the Applegeeks website. Which made me think about my level of community service and how much i give back to the world. When i was younger I was very involved but the older you get the busier you feel. feel rather than are. So we are endeavoring to change that. As selfish as this website is i have to try and balance that so to that end I am giong to find some charitable outlets. And if you are a regular visitor please remind me cause it's easy to get caught up and lose focus.

Later ppl

Kotoko